Wisconsin is essentially a series of small towns.  Even the state's largest city, Milwaukee, is really a collection of small-town-like neighborhoods.  The only exception is Madison, which George Carlin calls "the third coast," and which a candidate for governor once called "54 square miles surrounded by reality."  Madison is a college town, home to the University of Wisconsin, and there you can eat at restaurants with names most Wisconsinites cannot pronounce.  The rest of the state is definitely small-town.  Read on, and you'll get the idea...

This one's been making the rounds of the Wisconsin email circuit.  My comments are in parentheses.

For those of you from Wisconsin - laugh; for those who are no longer in Wisconsin - reminisce; and for those of you are just lucky enough to know someone from WI, maybe this will help you understand them a bit better.  You know you are in Wisconsin when:

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.  (It's happened to me hundreds of times)
"Vacation" means going 'up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit deer more than once. (I know at least half a dozen)
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again! (At least 3 days a year - you'll experience temperature differences of more than 40 degrees within 12 hours)
You use a down comforter in the summer - and gloves.
You drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. (We laugh at southerners who stop driving when there's a dusting of snow.  We drive at 65 mph in a blizzard.  If you can't handle it, get off the road, or get run over)
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. (Oh, yes, I've seen it)
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.  (Really common)
You think of the major food groups as venison, beer, fish, and berries.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. (Yeah, and that's weird?  It's nearly universal in Wisconsin)
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town. (It's happened to me several times)
You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.  (Really common)
Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.  (I've seen it)
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You refer to the Packers as "we".  (Really common)
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.  (Yep, several times)
You can identify an Illinois accent.  (Oh yeah)
You know what cow-tipping is.  (I've never done it or seen it, but I know people who've done it)
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.  (I've seen it - little shavers going down the road in a tractor)
"Down South" to you means Chicago.
A brat is something you eat.
You have no problem spelling Milwaukee. (No problem)
You consider Madison exotic.  (I remember when I first went to school there in the 1970's.  It was 30 miles from home, but seemed like it was another country)
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.  (No problem)
You know what a "bubbler" is.  (I'll say it right now to tick off Illinois people - "I'm going to get a drink at the bubbler.")
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce. (I've seen it hundreds of times.  Another favorite is a statue of a deer.  Sometimes poachers shoot them).
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed. (I've heard of it, but never been to a machine-shed party)
You go out for fish fry every Friday. (Yeah, so?  You gotta problem wit dat?)
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving. (They drive like arrogant buttholes)
You know how to polka. (I'm one of the few people in Wisconsin who doesn't polka.  I don't dance, period)
Formal wear is blue jeans and a baseball cap.  (I've often seen it at weddings.  Church, too)
You drink soda and refer to your dad as "pop".
You were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it. (Yep)
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon. (Moreover, in less than an hour, I can visit Rome, London, and Leipzig)
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. (This isn't true.  All Wisconsinites know what cinnamon is)
You've seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car. (Not at all uncommon)
The local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports.
At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.  (Really common)
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof. (It does happen)
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.  (Many school districts have policies that allow children to be excused during deer season)
You find 0 degrees a little chilly. (It's not that bad if you dress for it.  I personally know two people who wear shorts when it's -10 F.)
You know what to do with a Blatz...
You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wisconsin Friends.
 

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